Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
