Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
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