and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
