I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
