theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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