I accidentally had phone sex last night
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
