You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
BRING THE BAGELS
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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