grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
