Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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