My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
