fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
