..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just want to make out with him forever
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
