So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
