shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
