Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
