You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
