Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You've changed since you got that strap on
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
