He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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