Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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