I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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