On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
