Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
