And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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