youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
