I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Hippo gnu deer
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
