And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
