Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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