I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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