Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
