I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
