were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
