she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
