does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
