Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
