if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
