...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I smell stomach acid.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My vagina is very pro this idea
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
