Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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