ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
