If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
