Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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