I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
