We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
