I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
