So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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