Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
