We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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