Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
