I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
