New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
organizing the empties. That sober.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
