Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
