Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
