Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
