but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The power of my boobs compel you
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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