I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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