Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
