and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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