a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize