I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
