someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Randomize