just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
