My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
