When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
