things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
