I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Jerry, you need to find god
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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