I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
