discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
