First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
