how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
