I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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