just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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