My hand turned me down
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
