Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
