Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
