Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
