We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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