everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
