Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
