Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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