just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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