I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
