He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
