don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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