We named our party play list daddy issues
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
