I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
