maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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